After the third class I was gathering papers from the guys at my desk all four were around me. I had fantasized about being in prison and being made ... bitch. That thought flashed through my mind as I glanced at the nearest prisoner's crotch. That night I jacked off thinking about sucking those cocks or even fucking these men. I knew if I did I would get fired and lose all of my teaching credentials. But it was a great fantasy. That weekend as I graded papers I found a note scribbled on. She finally got on the phone, "what the fuck do you want?". "So what, we aren't going out tonight?" is all I could mutter. Then I hear the phone get dropped. I sat there for a second and when no one came back I am shouting "hello! Kate! Talk to me, please!!". I could hear some mumbling then I heard what sounded like kissing. Then someone moved the phone and again I started yelling "Hello! KATE!!! HELLO!!!". I heard some ruffling around then a lot of silence. I was sitting there on the phone. We knew you would have forgone school in order to stay with us. Now I fear it is my turn. I don't fear for me, but for you. I know you loved your father deeply, and it hurt you when he died. This is a part of life most of your friends won't experience for years to come, the death which comes for us all.Son, don't give up on school. Don't wallow in self pity. Mourning and grief are a natural process, so don't hold your grief back. Let it out, or it will surely make you bitter.I have been. It was the best piece of work I had done for many a month if not ever. Suddenly I felt hungry and made my first meal for days, just a sandwich and boy did it taste good. Her vision inside my head was still as clear as ever, so I started a second canvas this time with her in a different pose reclining naked on a chaise. Before I knew it, it was after midnight and suddenly I felt very tired and for the first time in a long time I went to bed sober.She didn't reappear that night or the next, nor.
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